One may decide to live without, but when surrounded by amenities already paid for by friends, like pools or boats or vacation homes, one should figure out how to tap into this pipeline of luxurious afternoons. After all, why allow these resources to lay fallow? Whether you are a tightwad or are truly strapped for cash, friends with such toys are a priceless commodity and should not be ignored. Indeed, these cherished friends should be cultivated and nurtured.
Don’t be shy in pursuing your mooching goals. Please remember that these amenities are often status symbols for the owners and they would like nothing better than to shove their wealth and good fortune in your face. This obviously makes the mooching process easier and will work in your favor. Let them have their fun as they flaunt their avarice and toys. Smile warmly, ooo and aaa appropriately, gush aglow at their kindness and charm them into thinking they are without a doubt your most favorite host…and then ask where they keep their Belvidere vodka.
Yes, mooching requires a bit of humility and a lot of charming smiles and at times a zipped lip. Ignore the wide distance between their ability to spend and your unwillingness to match it and ask them if they need another beer from their poolside wet bar. But, arrogance does not work for long for either the moocher or the moochee. Servitude for an extended period wears thin and abrades. Never let your most gracious host debase or insult you; never tell them they are extremely fortunate for your company, without a sly smile! Yes, both the moochee and the moocher need to have a mutual feeling of wellbeing. You gain from their gain and they gain from your gain.
So, this dance, of idle afternoons and riotous parties, of twirling and spinning and mooching and scheming sounds calculated doesn’t it…. What do you think? Without proper planning and effort on your part, the opportunity will pass onto someone else… someone less worthy? So, what can you do as charter member of Vacations From Home, where no opportunity to mooch is overlooked, to cull these precious invitations and cheap thrills.
First off, and most importantly, be interesting. Always be a viable option for your “friends”. Try to be accomplished at something, hopefully noteworthy. If you invent something like Velcro or cure cancer, think of all the invitations you’ll receive. Try to be charming and witty, quick with the pithy comment and the compliment and you will surely ingratiate yourself into their sphere of invites. They will want you around.
Second, be handsome or beautiful. Everyone wants to be seen with arm candy. This should be you! If you’re not good looking, you’re kinda outta luck. Of course you might be able to make up for that ugly mug with some charm, but please, don’t expect much. If you’re fair to middling in the looks department you must be height/weight proportionate. No one wants to see you pull a chair up to the buffet table.
Thirdly, make investments in your friends. Hedge your invitations by offering to pick up a bar or meal tab once in a while. Sadly, we can’t be THAT cheap. Bring a six-pack to the pool party and not Meister Brau. Wolfschmidt vodka is never an option. Even though you’re in the game to get invites you’ll better your chances if you’re not perceived simply as a taker or, ahem, a mooch. Parting with some of your money will mask your intent somewhat, and besides your generosity may spur your hosts to “one up” you and lavish you with even more “things”.
A word of caution is needed here. Sometimes getting that invite requires a waiting game. Don’t be anxious and never pester or beg. Oh, you’ll liable to get that invite if you do beg, but that would probably be the last one. It’s that killing the goose and the golden egg bit. You want to preserve the pool/beach/lakefront home – open refrigerator – open bar – friendship that you’ve labored over, tended lovingly and charmed. There should be no worry if you have laid the right foundation. If, gasp, the invite does not come, you just have to suck it up and maybe spend the day finally sweeping your kitchen floor? Even in defeat though there is opportunity and if it was a glaring oversight by your potential hosts and they offer you an apology, graciously accept it with no hint of bitterness.
Remember to cast a wide net for mooching. Opportunities abound and if you don’t get that boat ride, think pool, or beach. The mountains work in a pinch. Be flexible, work the phones and get your butt to the gym.
So, there you have it! Sounds simple? Summer is starting soon, so get out there and get that invite!
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